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We would like to apologise for a recent public notice included in the Bugle for the Brampton Ladies' Circle which incorrectly stated there would be a Pole Dancing performance, whereas it should have read Polish Dancing. Although the organisers admit they were delighted with the considerable increase in demand for tickets as hundreds of local men turned up for the show, the resulting acts of violence, which included the throwing of rotten vegetables were disturbing to the three middle aged clog dancers and did not contribute much to Anglo-Polish relations in the area. The Bugle's newly appointed office junior, Adrian Slyme, was severely reprimanded for his mistake. ************** We would like to apologise to Mrs T. Ferret, owner of the Brampton Fried Chicken Bistro, and would assure her that the "scrawny chicken legs" to which we referred in a previous article, were not a reference to any items on the menu. ************** The directors of the Brampton Bugle News and Entertainment Empire wish to make it quite clear to our shareholders and discerning readers that there is absolutely no truth in the recent rumours. ************** Due to the unfortunate fire at the Church of the Anointed Organ, Cack Lane, Brampton, the weekly Damnation Army charity stall will be temporarily relocated in the scout hut until further notice. Bring and buy - second hand bric-a-brac, candles, razors, cleavers, knives and axes - all welcome, especially children. ************** Owing to a clerical error, a batch of special open ended vomit bags intended for export has been distributed around the region. Local restaurant customers and passengers on local airline departures are advised to carefully check the serial number of their vomit bag. If the the number printed inside is between 549c/PARP-2b/86554290 and 549c/PARP-2b/86559221, then please ask someone in authority to exchange it for another prior to use. Pots Industries (Brampton) wish to apologise for any inconvenience caused, and hereby deny all legal responsibility. ************** The annual convention of Psychics, Clairvoyants, Spiritualists, Mediums and Soothsayers will feature a lecture and stunt flying demonstration by the celebrated Brampton mystic and yogic flying ace Bhagwan Slaih Aod B'ugha. All are welcome. ************** FUN!  The winning number for the Brampton Bugle Grand Prize Lottery has just been drawn and the lucky winner of £10,000 is Mrs. T. Pots with ticket number 6321 ************** Correction Due to a printing error in last weeks alternative vegetarian eco-friendly cooking article, the line "add all the bleach" should have read "add all the peach". We apologise for any inconvenience or distress to our readers. ************** Notice A possible fault has been found with both the 804c/GNF-65277n/cbg6 (standard grip) and 804c/GNF-65277n/cbg5 (curved grip) please return to the purchase dealership for a safety check. Warning! Do not use until checks have been made. J. J. Sprottle (Parts) Ltd. ************** LOST In the Pothole Road area, black-necked spitting cobra, around 6 feet long with black stripe around her neck, answers to the name of Snuffles. £5 reward to finder. Contact Albert Simpleton. Tel. 54486547 ************** CHEAP Scrap metal sale now on at Honest Everards - unbelievable bargain prices only while stocks last. )~~~~~( Honest Everards, Todgers Yard, Stench Street, Brampton. ************** COULD THIS BE YOU? I have recently received a message from the spirit world which will be of great benefit to the recipient. Unfortunately the name of the person the message is intended for was unclear, but it may possibly contain the letters 'e' or 'a'. This person is about to, or perhaps already has, won or maybe inherited a significant sum of money. If this sounds like you, please contact me IMMEDIATELY before it is too late to take advantage of this privileged wisdom from the other side. Do NOT tell anyone of this, or bad luck will surely find you. Tel. Gypsy Rosie Lee (clairvoyant) 7746 5734983 ************** COMPLAINTS After complaints from readers about the use of strong language, an editorial decision has been made to inhibit the use of such words or phrases as may offend those readers with insipid tastes. Should any reader see mention of distilled alcoholic beverages, Gorgonzola, garlic or chilli on any Brampton Bugle page please feel free to voice your disapproval. ************** NATURIST CLOG DANCING - APPEAL FOR MEMBERS The Brampton Naturist Clog Dancing Association needs YOU! Become a full member of the B.N.C.D.A. for less than £200 a year and enjoy all the amazing advantages that being a naturist clog dancer can bring. Contact Rupert Spleen on 88562395 (after 11.00pm) ************** |
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Young
Robin Swiftly, now aged 17, never had much of a start in life, his father
was a violent swindler, his alcoholic mother an armed robber and an habitual
shoplifter. There is no wonder a youngster like this, with a bad back and
a deprived childhood, had an unfortunate start in life. Due to this kind
of personal history he was knowledgeable in the arts of theft and deception
from an early age, later progressing to vandalism, mugging and housebreaking.
It's all too common nowadays, but what can be done? |
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The partner of your dreams awaits you...  |
 The Brampton Church of Retribution |
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