Brampton News




GRISTLE NAILED!

offensive weaponA long spate of burglaries in Brampton was curbed recently by the arrest of a notorious local alleged thief. Raymond Vincent Gristle (48), who has miraculously evaded capture since 1973 when apprehended breaking into a local wig shop. Gristle was taken into custody last Tuesday after mistakenly breaking into his own house and being accidentally rendered unconscious by his shovel-wielding mother, Mrs. Clarice Gristle (87), who phoned the police having failed to recognise her balaclava clad son on account of it being dark. However, a police search of Gristle's residence revealed several thousand stolen items including valuable rubber poultry missing since 1982. Council for the defence, Mr. Arbuthnot J. Diddling Q.C., claimed in mitigation that the defendant had been affected from an early age by a little known brain disorder known as House Burglar's Syndrome, and was almost entirely innocent of the 2,573 separate charges of burglary against him. The case was adjourned pending medical reports.
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