 (by Mervyn Sprinkler, knitting correspondent) This year's Ladies' Circle Knitting Club competition was marred by the shock results of a failed drugs test. Mrs. Gladys Stick (63) won the marathon event, finishing a superb yellow pullover (see below) in only 12 hours and 56 minutes of uninterrupted knitting, cutting 45 minutes off last year's record, her only nourishment being regulation pots of tea and homemade cakes provided by stalwart members of the Brampton Ladies' Circle. Mrs. Stick's stunning achievement was only brought into question after a positive test on a urine sample showing the presence of a banned performance enhancing substance. Later, after heated scenes, Mrs. Stick strongly denied any wrongdoing and promised to clear her name shouting: "Some f****r must have put something in my f*****g tea, they were always f*****g jealous of my f*****g abilities, I f*****g want my f*****g gold medallion and I f*****g want it now, you f****rs!" Once again for the third year in succession Mrs. Iris Rumple (59) came first in the sprint event, completing 528 stitches in 5 minutes, and Miss Deidre Crunt was judged the winning entrant in the freestyle section after knitting some stunning avant-garde yellow underwear with attractive string tassels. *****  Fashion photography by Reg Snipe |
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