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(by Michael Ostlecock) Following shocking news of a recent outbreak of violence among customers near the pickled goods display at Muffs Hypermart on Main Road, Brampton, we wish to dispel the fears of local shoppers by stating there is absolutely no truth in the rumour of a worldwide shortage of pickles. "I couldn't understand it", said ginger haired trainee manager Gordon Finchbinder (27): "They were queueing onto the street and jostling one another. Just as we sold the last pickled item in stock, a skirmish broke out and I was knocked unconscious by a bottle of gripe water." Police were alerted by an anonymous caller and made several arrests including a woman found to be in possession of a heavy cosh, seventeen bottles of stolen vinegar and a substantial quantity of tripe. A small piece of string found at the scene was removed by forensic scientists for further analysis, and a police spokesperson told our reporter: "This looks like the work of professionals." Accusations have been made alleging that the rumour was in fact started in a local public house by the shop's proprietors, brothers Harry and Humphrey Muff (67) of Cack Lane, who declined to make any verbal comment to our reporter. The investigation is continuing. *****  Trainee manager Gordon Finchbinder (27) |
Copyright Brampton Bugle Publications 2002
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