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(by Emma Royde, news correspondent.) Recent sightings of a mysterious beast prowling Brampton at night proved irresistable for our intrepid photographer Reg Snipe, who bravely risked life and limb to capture the elusive animal on film. The creature, a large black feline the size of a sheep, has been spotted by various witnesses prowling late at night over the last few months and was described to our reporter by local pensioner and part time debt collector Agnes Tittle (79), as a "big hairy black pussy cat, the biggest f***er I've ever seen, and I'm 77, you know." Zoological expert Dr. Oswin Pappy, speaking from his home in nearby Plump Bottom, has assured the Bugle news desk that there is no need for residents to panic as it is probably only an escaped puma. However, local mystic and yogic flying ace Bhagwan Slaih Aod B'ugha has broken a two week vow of silence to warn locals not to leave saucers of milk on their doorsteps or attempt to stroke or interfere with the creature under any circumstances as there could be a risk of demonic possession, agonising death, or worse. "I couldn't believe my luck!", said Snipe earlier this week from his hospital bed. "I saw it in the back yard, dashed outside with my camera and slipped on a large pile of dung. I was a little dazed, but luckily the photo turned out absolutely perfect and the injuries could have been much worse. I'm quite confident that when this news reaches the zoological community, the name of Reg Snipe will be familiar worldwide." *****  The Beast of Brampton |
Copyright Brampton Bugle Publications 2002
"We aren't quite all there"