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by Wayne Twanky. News of a recently discovered buried skeleton during building excavations in the grounds of Sodde Hall Health Spa has sparked off a furious debate among academics worldwide. Professor of genealogy at the University of Poolsbrook, Dr. Horace Fusty, believes it to be the remains of Cuthbert Le Sodde, the first Earl of Brampton, a man of reputedly shocking ugliness and unspeakable perversity whom legend has it, in 1532 was "Tooke bye a wingede daemon" whilst enjoying the services of one Molly Crunte, the village strumpet. It is generally assumed by modern scholars, however, that the immensely unpopular Earl was murdered by locals, and buried nearby. Conversely, prominent Brampton historian Arthur B. Nadger, acclaimed author of "Nadger's History of England", insists the skeleton to be the long sought after missing link, "Homo managerius", from which some anthropologists claim the parasitic "middle - managerial" classes evolved. Meanwhile, Professor Rainbow T. Winklebrake III, head of intergalactic conspiracy studies at the California Institute of Strange Things claims it to be the remains of an extraterrestrial traveller who was probably executed and buried in unconsecrated ground by locals in the mistaken belief that he was from Yorkshire. The acting assistant deputy trainee manager of Sodde Hall Health Spa, Mr. Walter Tap, told our reporter; "Our revolutionary weight loss program is second to none". Local police are working on the theory that the interment of some form of deceased biped may have taken place at the spot. ***** 
Alien visitation or missing link? (Photo courtesy of Brampton Grange Top Secret Government Research Establishment.) |
Copyright Brampton Bugle Publications 2002/3
"We know where you live and we are not sane"